10 Wine Marketing Laws

1 Two words: LIMITED ALLOCATION

2 The quality of the wine is secondary to the attractiveness of the label

3 Name a vineyard after your mother

4 The more expensive the bottle, the better the wine

5 Remember the phrase: “This is the best wine I’ve ever made”

6 Humility rules: “It’s not me, it’s the grapes.”

7 If someone asks you a question that you don’t know the answer to, simply respond “terroir.”

8 To deflect criticism remember the phrase: “I learned that from an old man in _____ whose family had been doing it for centuries.” (fill in the country)

9 Never pair wine with food that people can actually make themselves

10 You cannot enjoy a wine if it’s not in its “proper” $75 glass

Wine X Magazine, 03/30/2004, “The Guido Wine Marketing Manifesto”