My Pinot Noir Pet Peeves

1. Retailers who self score the wines they sell.
2. Wax closures. These are the devil in disguise. They charm you with their sexy look, but the ensuing hassle negates the glamorous appearance. Haute couture with a vengeance.
3. Overpriced wines. Winemaker says I have to charge a lot for the wine or people won’t think it is any good. $50 sounds about right and plenty expensive.
4. One bottle allocations. Brother can you spare a bottle.
5. Zero bottle allocations. The winery sends you their mailing touting the wines, but your allocation is zero, zot, zilch, nada.
6. Magnum depression. Why are magnums rarer than recent Elvis sightings? What’s the BIG deal?
7. Single vineyard overload. Mom and pop are farming two acres because they are retired and need something to do. Another vineyard designate wine for the taking.
8. Invisible winemakers. Come out of the closet (winery)!
9. Scores. The only scores that matter are those in sporting events where the winner proves his metal. Why is it that those who can’t make wine, score them?
10. Limited production. Since when did this equate with high quality? It usually means the production was limited by the amount of grapes the producer was allocated by the rock star grower or reduced by the amount of wine that had to be declassified.
11. Newbies. Would you buy a house from someone who made their first one? Or hire a surgeon who has only done a few operations?
12. Hard to get. Just make it clear how to buy it and we can develop a business relationship.
13. Winemakers of the moment. It is what is in the bottle that matters - no pretenders please.
14. State shipping restraints. If you love wine, move to California - no bitching, moaning or griping tolerated. Quit your job, pack up your family, and move. Leave the teetotalers behind.
15. Where are the monks when we need them. We have to classify all of those vineyards that are springing up like weeds in my law
16. Appellation overload. Thank goodness the government has put a stop to all this nonsense. Let’s face it, many of these appellations are publicity stunts that are served to tout wines from a particular region.
17. Wineries that are chronic no shows at tasting events. They leave an impression that they are too good. Remember, we are the world (of Pinot Noir).
18. Hackneyed descriptors. Long finish, unfined and unfiltered, classic, great structure, organic

Note: This list was composed after a couple glasses of good Pinot and is meant to be tongue and cheek.